Three sentence movie reviews: Going the Distance


I had low expectations for this film, which it easily met and exceeded. There were a few “so funny I’m gasping for air” moments and the chemistry between all the cast was very good. Drew Barrymore’s character Erin was particularly foul-mouthed for a romantic comedy heroine, which I found refreshing, and at one point, one of my movie going companions remarked that the romantic couple were acting like real people, which was also refreshing.

poster from: http://www.impawards.com/2010/going_the_distance.html

Three sentence movie reviews: Thor

The main problem with this movie, in my opinion, is that Thor looks like he came straight from the 1980s. The hair, the facial hair, the awful costume all point to evidence that Thor was James Hetfield’s younger brother who worked out a lot instead of playing the guitar.* There are nice effects to this movie and good acting (by people other than Thor) but ultimately, I couldn’t get over the fact that the hero of the movie had the look that so many guys I went to high school with were striving to obtain.

poster from: http://www.impawards.com/2011/thor_ver3.html

*see evidence below:

picture from: http://www.celebrityzine.net/name/james-hetfield#1slideshow-60-field_pictures
magazine cover from: http://www.allposters.com/-st/Metallica-Posters_c451_.htm

Three sentence movie reviews: Fast Five


This movie is awesome in its incredibly unbelievable plot, its fabulous (and also unbelievable) special effects, its over-the-top, well, everything. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed it, far beyond its actual worthiness. Could my great love for this film have to do with Vin Diesel, a man who looks like he was an incredible nerd all through his formative years*, yet bulked up and became a hunky star, despite his lack of official good looks, so-so acting skills and odd voice?

poster from: http://www.impawards.com/2011/fast_five_ver5.html


*Hah! IMDB reports that he is a D&D fan! I knew it!

Three sentence movie reviews: Source Code


This movie combines the best ideas from the movie Groundhog’s Day and the TV show Quantum Leap* to create a taunt action flick that also brings up bigger questions such as what it is to be human and alive. Directed by the same man who brought us the fabulous movie Moon, (and if we continue to get a quality story from him every two years, I will be a happy lady) this is a very well crafted movie with excellent acting. It has the bonus of leaving you with something to discuss with your movie going companion on the way home, so don’t miss it.

poster from: http://www.impawards.com/2011/source_code.html

Link

*Quantum Leap fans, don’t miss the Scott Bakula voice cameo! It comes near the end.

Three sentence movie reviews: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone


This movie is a textbook example of why it is not a good idea to do a scene-by-scene recreation of a work of literature.* Everything moved very, very slowly. Still, it was fun to see a very young Rupert, Emma & Daniel and the quiddich scene was great.

poster from: http://www.impawards.com/2001/harry_potter_and_the_sorcerers_stone_ver2.html

*Interestingly, I saw this when it came out and enjoyed that aspect of it. Not so this time.

Three sentence movie reviews: Adjustment Bureau


This was a great concept that was executed sloppily with the result being the movie dragged on and on. Not even the fact that I got to watch Matt Damon and Emily Blunt made this an enjoyable experience. Plus, who knew that while god did a good job of creating a colorful cast of multicultural operatives/angels, she didn’t bother to make any FEMALE operatives/angels?*

poster from: http://www.impawards.com/2011/adjustment_bureau.html

*I mean seriously, the only room in this movie for the “second sex” was as a screen for the men in the movie to emote to. Emily Blunt’s character had NO information about what was going on and Matt Damon gives her 15 seconds of catch-up dialog and she’s happy to run off with him. Really? The whole thing frosted my liver.

Three sentence movie reviews: The Fighter


Even if one is not the biggest fan of boxing movies and tends to hide behind one’s hands while the actual boxing is happening, I would recommend this movie. Simply fabulous acting by all players combined with colorful characters, fun accents and excellent storytelling made this a movie I had to keep reminding myself to breathe during. Also, if someone wrote a novel about the lives of Micky Ward’s seven sisters, I think I would be first in line to read it.

poster from: http://www.impawards.com/2010/fighter.html

Note that the above three sentences were written with the feminist filter turned off. Here’s my problem: Near the end of the movie, Amy Adams has this big speech about how she’s trying to really do something with her life. And that’s great as all women should try to do something with there lives. My problem? The big thing she is trying to do with her life is support her boxing boyfriend. While this is a noble endeavor, I think that actually falls under the category of “supporting” and not actually “doing.” Give me ONE example of a movie where a man makes a big speech about how his main purpose is to support his girlfriend/wife and that is fine and dandy with everyone. I would love to see more examples of Hollywood storytelling where women are DOING things, not just hitching their stars to the men in their lives. Or, at the very least, movies that portray men hitching their stars to the woman in their life.

Portlander Cinema

The Oregonian’s weekend section featured three movie theaters you’ve probably not heard of. I eagerly turned to the article, thinking that I had probably been to the theaters they were discussing, because I’m such a fan of off-beat theaters. Upon reading the article, it seems I can check that attitude. I’d been to one, Cinemagic, but the second theater mentioned, PSU’s student-run theater, I have still never visited despite living within a mile from it for four years. The third I had no idea it even existed even though it is less than two miles from my house. Kelly and I decided to check it out over Spring Break. Here is our tour of The Portlander.

The Portlander is an 80 seat movie theater inside a “Travel Center” which is what truck stops seem to be calling themselves these days. If you look to the left of the Marketplace sign, you will see that indeed there is an advertised Cinema. We walked in and were in a convenience store.

We sort of stumbled about a bit before walking through the convenience store’s back entrance into a concourse that contained a fast-food restaurant, a shoe repair shop, a chiropractor, the sign for the cinema and some restrooms. We had to ask how to get into the cinema. It turned out you buy tickets at the fast food place and the nice lady buzzes you in. They show second-run movies and the cost is $3.00

Inside, it looks just like a cinema. There are posters, stadium seating, comfortable chairs. You can even bring ice cream or any other item bought at the fast food place into the show. Our movie unfortunately had some tracking issues and I would suggest that if it happens to you during your visit to immediately pop up and go find someone, because there is no one in the projection booth making sure things are running smoothly. Aside from those tracking issues, it was a great experience.

After the show, we wandered through the rest of the Travel Center. Kelly observed that with the laundromat, the urgent care center, the restaurant and all the other things listed above, that this would be an even better place to be stranded than the airport in that Tom Hanks movie.

I suggest you plan your visit to the Portlander soon.

Three sentence movie reviews: L’illusionniste


What to say about this movie I feel that you should watch? It was quiet, charming, incredibly compelling and the ending completely destroyed me. I sobbed through the credits, exiting the movie theater, walking to the car and all the way home.

poster from: http://impawards.com/intl/misc/2010/lillusionniste.html