Three sentence movie reviews: White House Down


I didn’t have much downtime this weekend, so when I saw this at the library, I grabbed it, then offered it up as an entertainment option for my sick (and bored) boyfriend.  On first viewing, I entered with low expectations and was happily surprised; this time I noticed that after about the 2/3rds mark EVERY line was cheesy.  However, I did again enjoy the breadcrumbs of plot that were nicely scattered and then returned to, as well as the way the plot kept dragging them back into the White House in plausible ways.

Cost: free from library
Where watched: at home with Matt

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I’m sorry, but the comments are too good not to grab.  I love that some of them include their job titles.  Is a Visitor Experience Associate of the Science Museum of Minnesota qualified to judge this poster?  The internet says yes.

Adreanna Ramirez ·

might be the worst poster of the year. Its so bad on so many levels.
Shawn Grobel ·
walk away bro, just walk away.

Donnacha Kenny ·

“Cool guys don’t look at explosions…”

Bert Shuttlecock ·

Generic and uninteresting. Except ID4, the rest of the director’s credit is useless or even harmful!

Ryan O’Brien ·

Would have been so much better if he were looking at us incredulously with his thumb jerked behind him as if to say ‘Holy sh*t do you see that?’

Richard Nelson

When you’re the second movie about something in a year, why would you create a poster that resembles something from the first movie?

Fred Carlsson ·

Bad bad bad.

Heidl Bär ·

John Carter of Earth?

Alexandro Olivera ·

Awwww the famous and inevitable red sparks.


Three sentence movie review: Hail Caesar


Like the best of the funny Cohen Brothers movies, this has several laugh-out-loud moments, along with some random quirky stuff.  I loved the set design and the bits of movies we get to see.* It also manages to be a compelling story.

Cost: $8.00
Where watched: St. Johns Twin with S. North

*The pinnacle, of course, being Channing Tatum’s tap dance routine while in a very darling sailor suit.**  This was well worth the price of admission.

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Three sentence movie reviews: The Hateful Eight


There are things I like* and don’t like** about Mr. Tarantino.  I was excited to see this movie in 70mm UltraPanavision and for the first two-thirds I was reconsidering my anti-Tarantino stance, because everything was humming along nicely.  But after intermission, I was reminded exactly why I don’t like him and the film stopped working for me.

Cost: $15.00 (Roadshow pricing, completely worth it.)
Where watched: Hollywood Theater with a bunch of other 70mm/Tarantino fans.  (Mini review of Roadshow production: The Overture was fabulous.  During the movie, it was weird, but fun, to have to look back and forth across the screen to see everything.  I was surprised there wasn’t an “Intermission” title card during the intermission.  Overall, really fun, despite my dislike of one-third of the movie.)

*His commitment to the magic and mystique of movies, his characters and dialogue, his humor, the fact that his movies have awesome soundtracks.
**I think his movies (at least the ones I’ve seen) are incredibly slow.  Also, I don’t watch his films because the level of violence disturbs me, I don’t think it’s necessary, and I would prefer to go through life without those images in my brain.

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Three Sentence Movie Reviews: Magic Mike XXL


My expectations were low going in and indeed, this is a long, slow movie broken up with some good dancing now and then.  Characters from the earlier film*  are fleshed out** and there is a merry-go-round full of cameos and other supporting roles.  What could have been the romantic subplot is oddly subverted and only half developed and thus, this movie just becomes a very long wait for the next striptease.***

Cost: $5.00
Where watched: Regal City Center 12 with Christi.

*Interestingly, though the character of Matthew McConaughey’s Dallas is explained away, there seems to be no mention of Alex Pettyfar’s Adam, even though he was the main supporting actor in Magic Mike.
**Hah! By which I mean their personalities are more fully developed as we’ve already seen most of their flesh
***I look forward to coming across the DVD at the library in future years so I can just get to the dancing.

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(best comment: We all know what the focal point is on this poster… Channing Tatum’s manatee-faced torso)
(the second one is a little more subtle)


Three sentence movie review: Jupiter Ascending

I found myself asking “I wonder how they did that?” often while viewing this and eventually concluded I would have better enjoyed watching a “making of” feature about this feature, rather than the feature itself.  It was stuffed full of intricate detail, so it was pretty to watch, and I thank Filmspotting for putting their finger on exactly why I wasn’t interested, namely that CT drained every ounce of charisma from his character, making him boringly flat.  So this goes in the category of: I watched it so you don’t have to.

Cost: $7.50 (I broke my solemn vow to only spend movie money on movies and I bought a pizza.  So add another $12.00 to my total.  That’s 3 or 4 movies at the Laurelhurst.)
Where watched: Baghdad Theater, which I enjoy so much as a movie theater.

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Three sentence movie reviews: Foxcatcher

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Much like Force Majeure, this movie gives ample time to examine all quadrants of the movie screen in each scene.  Unlike Force Majuere, this was a slow and interesting film, most probably because a lot of the screen was taking up with Mr. Channing Tatum.  I knew how the story ended (because I remember when it happened) and yet I still found myself wrapped up in the conclusion.

Cost: Free due to gift card
Where watched:  Regal Foxtower

Three sentence movie reviews: The Book of Life

There were many things to love about this movie:  the Mexican folk tale; the underworld; the fact it was incredibly pretty to look at.  However, I didn’t see large sections of it, because I kept falling asleep, even though I didn’t want to.  Chalk it up to the late start time and NOT the lack of interesting plot.

Cost:  $31.75 for myself, Matt, 3-D glasses, a bag of popcorn and a box of candy. (We were on vacation, so I rolled with it.)
Where watched:  Cornelius Cinemas

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When’s that Channing-Tatum-with-the-wolf-ears movie coming out?

I was thinking it was this weekend, but the Internet made me laugh arguing with itself.  The top search result plainly states July 18, 2014, but the picture next to that information says February 2015.
Phooey.  That was one of my five approved movies to see in the theater this summer. In happier news, this means I can sub in Boyhood  which I stupidly forgot to put on the list and which I’m dying to see.  Boyhood is going to be a better movie anyway.

Quoted on Filmspotting. About Channing Tatum, of course.

Filmspotting is a recent discovery, I stumbled across it last fall and really look forward to the weekly podcast, as well as dipping into the archives.  The hosts, Adam and Josh, spend a good 20+ minutes chewing over the movie they’ve chosen to review every week and there is always a top-5 list.  One of the other features is a reader poll.  Every other week they announce the results and read comments.  I’m excited to say I’ve been quoted twice before (both times talking about women and movies!) but the poll for this week was about Channing Tatum.  So you know I had stuff to say about that.  They even linked to my Channing Tatum Personal Film Festival blog post.

If you would like to listen, click on the above link and then move along to the 25:40 minute mark.

Thanks Filmspotting for making my to-see movie list long, giving me something to listen to when I clean the house and also making me famous!  You know, in that internet way.

Three sentence movie reviews: 22 Jump Street

The chuckling continues in this continuation of the sequel to the remake of the 80s television franchise.*  Hill and Tatum provide similar-type laughs with Hill cracking me up when he realizes the unfortunate family connection of a romantic interest.  However, the actress Jillian Bell stole every scene she was in, and had me gasping with laughter at one point, making her the find of the movie.

Cost: $2.00 (due to gift card being exhausted, leaving me with a small balance**)
Where watched: Regal Lloyd 10.

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*The credits are very funny to and seem to indicate this is the end of the road for this particular incarnation of the franchise.
**However, I did pay something like $4.50 for a small popcorn which I managed to spill twice before I began eating it.  Aside from being a slob, looking at $2.00 worth of popcorn sitting on the theater floor is no fun.