Category: Three Sentence Movie Reviews

Three sentence movie reviews: Platoon

This movie was released just as I was starting to pay attention to what was going on in the world, so I remember the buzz, but there was no way I was going to be allowed to watch it due to violence and my parents’ ambivalence about the Vietnam War.*  Fast forward twenty-seven years and I can now say I understand what all the fuss was about.  I realized I’m coming late to the party and all y’all have probably seen it, but this had everything a great picture should have:  acting, setting, plot, a warts-and-all view of the war itself, as well as a smattering of war porn.**

Cost:  free from library
Where watched:  at home.

Thanks to Jan and her Best Picture Movie Project.  Without her watching this, I never would have motivated.

*For a long time, I thought my dad was too old to go, but when Bill Clinton ran for president, I realized my dad joined the National Guard to avoid the draft.  This was something that was not really loudly proclaimed, especially since so many people made fun of Clinton for what was essentially begging to be in the National Guard.  Though now that we’ve had a president who joined the National Guard and didn’t even bother to show up, I can proudly say that my father actually did his National Service to get out of going to a crappy war, unlike a certain member of the Bush family.
**Because who wouldn’t want to die in such a dramatic movie fashion as Willem Dafoe?

Three sentence movie reviews: Enough Said.

I wasn’t really ready to be uncomfortable for as long as I was during this movie, so that was a surprise.  However, I loved the romance and the chemistry between Louis-Dreyfus and Gandolfini and also Toni Collette* was there too, which made for some great acting.  There was a nice parallel story of sending your child to college, so overall, this was a very good film.

Cost:  $3.00
Where watched:  Laurelhurst with S. North.

poster from: http://www.impawards.com/2013/posters/enough_said.jpg

*Speaking in her real accent.

Three sentence movie reviews: Pain and Gain

I’ve discovered Filmspotting, a podcast where they have long (long, long) conversations about movies and I find this podcast enjoyable.  Recently, there was controversy when one host picked this film to be in their top five while the other host was incredulous that it was liked at all.  Having now watched the film, I can say it was NOT an enjoyable example of the dumb criminal film* as what was amusing at the beginning turned quickly into the movie equivalent of the criminal’s “stupid” repeatedly banging me on the head with a chair.**

Cost:  $2.00 from Videorama
Where watched: at home with Matt.

*Good “dumb criminals” movies: Fargo, To Die For.
**Matt rather enjoyed it, though.

Three sentence movie reviews: Pleasantville

I’m a sucker for movies about awakenings and when they involve books or sex (two favorite things) I’m even more of a sucker.  So I think this movie is great, and very clever in its message.  It’s also perfectly cast and one of those moments in movie history where the technology combined with the story to elevate the movie beyond what it would have been otherwise.

Cost:  free from library
Where watched:  at home.  Knitting.

Three sentence movie reviews: American Hustle

Overall, I found this movie to be a little on the long side, it could have been tightened up a bit here and there.  But also overall, I greatly enjoyed every performance, the hair, and the clothing of this picture.  Amy Adams and Jennifer Lawrence are incredible to watch.

Cost:  $5.00
Where watched:  Regal City Center Stadium 12.  Where, for the first time in a long time, there were a goodly number of people there.  We actually got stuck in the parking garage because so many cars were exiting at the same time.  That never happens.  We played the Advanced Level Preview Game* to pass the time.

*The Preview Game, brought to you by Sara of Pike Schemes.
Everyone in your movie-going party makes a guess as to how many previews there will be before the movie.  In our rules, you have to have a green screen (the MPAA rating thingie) before the preview for it to count.  Sometimes theaters sneak in special sneak previews of films, but these do not count.  The person who guesses correctly, or is the closest, wins.  Bonus for dramatic flourishes of the hands while counting previews.

The Advanced Preview Game, brought to you by me.
After the movie is over and you have discussed what you like and dislike about the film, try to name (or describe, if you can’t remember the name) every movie featured in the previews.  This is a surprisingly hard game.  If you can name them all, you win.  Winning in this case is usually a team effort, as my mind goes totally blank.  I usually end up asking Matt questions to elicit some of the movies.  Questions might be: “Was there a movie with a lot of shooting?  Was there a talky-talky feature?  Was there something Sci-Fi?  Anything with kids?  Did one of the movies prominently feature women?

Three sentence movie reviews: The Last of the Mohicans

I avoided this movie when everyone was swooning over it, and I’m not sure why.*  I was set to find this dull or not-well-aged or something, but the movie won me over with it’s story and not just because Daniel Day-Lewis is kind of a hunka-hunka-burnin’-love.**  I liked that it was a Michael Mann film which means manly men doing manly things, but Hawkeye was all gooney over the girl, which is a rare sight in a manly men film.***

Cost:  Free from library
Where watched:  at home. (Toes are now confetti pink.)

poster from: http://www.impawards.com/1992/posters/last_of_the_mohicans_ver3.jpg

*As a teenager, this happened a fair amount with movies.  If too many people liked something, I just never saw it.  This is why I cannot count either Turner and Hooch and Top Gun in my movies-watched-pantheon.
**I feel like I mostly see Mr. Day-Lewis in roles where he’s all grizzly or icky for some reason.  Not all tall and tanned and well turned out as in this film.
***However, we must discuss an interesting phenomenon.  I’m calling it Decade Hair Creep, but it needs a better name.  In DHC, some or all of the main characters’ hair take on the qualities of the current day, despite relative historical accuracy of the rest of the film.  In this case, I’m thinking of how quickly the two female leads lost their coifs and walked around for the rest of the movie with perfect early-90s tousled locks.  At one point, one of them has even fashioned a very 1990’s braid, on the side front.  She had time to do that braiding, but didn’t feel compelled to pull her hair back completely?  Hmmm.  See also:  all the orphans in the 1982 version of Annie.  Also, the mother in A Christmas Story.

Three sentence movie reviews: Step Up 2: The Streets.

When watching the Step Up* movies, I find it best to turn off the racial filter because really, the mostly white kids are going to best the mostly of color kids at their own game, really?  That said, this is an enjoyable dance movie, which is to say that the plot is incredibly predictable, some of the acting is horrendous and it doesn’t really matter because there is enough dance to make it fun.  The leads are fine with Robert Hoffman all wide-eyed and shiny and Briana Evans all snarly girl with a heart of gold.

Cost:  free from library
Where watched:  at home

*I enjoyed calling this movie, “Step Up Two Colon The Streets.”

Channing Tatum report.  Indeed, he has a bit part, just as I assumed.  However!  Said bit part (about 5 minutes total) also consists of CT dancing!  Using trampolines.  Becuase all the cool clubs have trampolines.  I guess? His dance was total CT and had an ending that made me squeal with delight.  And yes, I actually squealed.

Plan your own Channing Tatum Personal Film Festival

I have completed viewing all the films credited to Channing Tatum on IMDB [that are not short films].  Or, as I refer to it:

The Channing Tatum Personal Film Festival. magic_mike

Or, given the quality of some of the films:

I watched them so you don’t have to.havoc

For your convenience, I have categorized the films for those of you who want to plan your own Channing Tatum Film Festival.

Movies where CT has a major part:DJ_IT_1Sht_18

  • 21 Jump Street
  • 22 Jump Street
  • The Book of Life
  • Dear John
  • The Eagle
  • Fighting
  • Foxcatcher
  • G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
  • Jupiter Ascending
  • Logan Lucky
  • Magic Mike
  • Magic Mike XXL
  • She’s the Man
  • The Son of No One
  • Step Up
  • Stop-Loss
  • The Vow
  • White House Down

 Movies where CT is not the main focus. 

Or: Only watch these films if you are interested in the movie.
(His role may range from a cameo to a bit part that doesn’t have much screen time. )guide_to_recognizing_your_saints

  • 10 Years—This is an ensemble and he’s in it as much as the other actors.
  • A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints—Plays the angry friend of the main character.  He doesn’t have a lot of screen time, but is rather feral, which is rare.
  • Battle in Seattle—Ensemble cast.  He has a lesser amount of screen time than others in the ensemble.
  • Coach Carter—one of the many basketball players.  But figures greatly in the turning point.
  • The Dilemma—Secondary character in a tremendously unfunny film.  However, he’s at his funniest here, but sadly, the rest of the movie is a hideous ball of crap.
  • Don Jon—Plays an actor in a cheesy romantic comedy.  Total screen time: approximately 30 seconds
  • G.I. Joe: Retaliation—Very short-lived character.
  • Kingsman: The Golden Circle–secondary character who spends most of the movie not in the movie.
  • The Lego Batman Movie–Quicker cameo as the voice of Superman
  • The Lego Movie–Quick cameo as the voice of Superman.
  • The Hateful Eight–He makes a brief appearance in the last third of the film..
  • Hail Caesar!–Plays an actor. Total screen time is maybe 10 minutes.  However, most of those minutes are a very wonderful tap dance routine.
  • Havoc—Dude in the background who has maybe three lines.
  • Haywire—Secondary character, but his first appearance was perhaps my favorite scene in the entire movie.
  • Public Enemies—Pretty Boy Floyd is not long for the world.  Maybe 30 seconds.
  • Side Effects—Isn’t around as much as one would think from the poster.
  • Step Up 2: The Streets—He doesn’t make a huge appearance, but he does dance.
  • Supercross—Plays a minor character with perhaps 5-10 minutes of screen time.
  • This is the End—Tiny cameo, but funny

Perhaps you would like to tackle the list by genre?
CT Movies divided by category:
(Major roles in bold font)white_house_down_ver8

Action/Adventure

  • G.I. Joe: Retaliation
  • G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
  • The Eagle
  • Haywire
  • Kingsman: The Golden Circle
  • Logan Lucky
  • Supercross
  • White House Down

shes_the_manComedy

  • 21 Jump Street
  • 22 Jump Street
  • The Dilemma
  • Hail Caesar!
  • She’s the Man
  • This is the End

eagleDrama

  • 10 Years
  • A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints
  • Battle in Seattle
  • The Book of Life
  • Coach Carter
  • Don Jon
  • Fighting
  • Foxcatcher
  • The Hateful Eight
  • Havoc
  • Magic Mike
  • Magic Mike XXL
  • Public Enemies
  • Side Effects
  • The Son of No One
  • Stop-Loss

 step_upRomance

  • Dear John
  • Step Up
  • Step Up 2: The Streets
  • The Vow

Movies I most enjoyed
Or: Maybe you just want me to tell you which ones I liked.
(Major roles in bold font)vow

  • 10 Years—Great ensemble cast examining where they are 10 years after high school.
  • 21 Jump Street—Generally very funny, especially if you watched the original TV series.
  • 22 Jump Street–If you liked the first one, you will like this one.
  • A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints—Uneven 80s NYC friendship drama that stuck with me.
  • Battle in Seattle—Interesting period piece.
  • The Book of Life–Solid animated flick.
  • Coach Carter—I’m a sucker for a good sports film.
  • Dear John—I was prepared to hate it, got sucked in and loved it.
  • Don Jon—Uncomfortable, but interesting.
  • The Eagle—Made me wonder why there aren’t more movies set in Roman times. Plus!  Jaime Bell.
  • Foxcatcher–sedately paced drama with great performances all around.
  • G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra—I was ready to grit my teeth through the whole thing, but it was a fun movie.
  • Haywire—Holy crap, there are some good fight scenes in this.
  • Hail Caesar!–This movie is funny! And fun to watch.
  • Logan Lucky–Especially if you like heist films.
  • Magic Mike—The movie that got me started.  Also, it’s much darker and deeper film than the previews would have you believe. Go Soderbergh!
  • She’s the Man—Funny adaption of Twelfth Night.
  • Side Effects—The less you know about this, the more you will enjoy it.
  • Step Up—I’m a sucker for a good dance movie and CT can move.
  • Stop-Loss—Solid returning soldier drama.
  • This is the End—Hilarious.  But you have to be ready for boy humor.
  • The Vow—Surprisingly well done and a great story.
  • White House Down—This had horrible reviews, but I thought it was great fun.

For Die Hard Complete-ists.  
Or:  Movies I don’t recommend you watch.
(Major roles in bold font.)fighting

  • The Dilemma—One of the worst movies I’ve seen in the last decade.
  • Fighting—Not very interesting, but with fighting.
  • G.I. Joe: Retaliation—Maybe I was just mad I had nothing to look at but Adrianne Palicki, but this movie was not very entertaining.
  • The Hateful Eight–If you’re a Tarantino fan, why not?  If not, don’t bother.
  • Havoc—This movie disturbed me.
  • Jupiter Ascending–maybe will become a cult classic in 20 years, but right now just bad.
  • Kingsman: The Golden Circle–this was much too violent for me, but others might like it.
  • Magic Mike XXL–waaaay too long in the middle.
  • Public Enemies—So boring, despite its population of actors I usually love.
  • The Son of No One—Kind of a mess, structurally.
  • Supercross—Also not very interesting, but with no fighting.

Here is IMDB’s list of all his films.

Three sentence movie reviews: Supercross: The Movie.

It wasn’t horrible.  It wasn’t good either, being incredibly predictable and not very ably acted.  Nor were the dirt bike scenes very interesting, but overall it wasn’t an offensive movie, just the kind of movie that shows up on cable and you leave it on because you are mildly depressed and can’t think of anything better to do.

Cost:  free due to boyfriend going out of town and letting girlfriend poach off his Netflix queue.
Where watched:  At home, while painting my toenails a fabulous shade of dark blue with turquoise glitter.  My time wasn’t invested in vain because they look great!

Channing Tatum screen time:  probably about 10 minutes total.  He plays the son of a man who owns a company that makes dirt bikes. I’m guessing if the dirt bike people read this review they would leave very angry comments about my use of the word dirt bikes.

Three sentence movie reviews: Hunger Games Catching Fire

The brother was interested, and so we went.  The second viewing was just as enjoyable as the first, despite the outrageous ticket price* and because the two women sitting to my left had clearly not read the book and so were audibly shocked, amazed and awed at each plot turn.** And man, Jennifer Lawrence is a pro.

Cost:  $16.00
Where watched:  Cinetopia Progress Ridge with Chris.

poster from: http://www.impawards.com/2013/posters/hunger_games_catching_fire_ver3.jpg
(I love the not-so-subtle homage to Soviet-era posters)

*The reason Cinetopia is the one local theater chain I don’t support or frequent.  Seriously, their motto could be “Cinetopia:  Where the suburban middle class pays entirely too much for a movie, then purchases overpriced food and drink on top of that.”
**Their gasps and sighs were a good reminder why it’s fun to watch movies in a crowd.