Three sentence movie reviews: Jumper

It turns out that having Darth Vader  Billy Elliott and Nick Fury in the same movie doesn’t mean that it will be a good movie.  The reason to watch this is because Jamie Bell (the aforementioned Billy Elliott) is quite fun in his slightly unhinged character.  Samuel Jackson is good too, but that Hayden Christensen,  he’s too pretty and he knows it.

Here also is a second three-sentence review from my usually squelched feminist movie critic who just couldn’t lay dormant.  This review contains SPOILERS but the movie isn’t very good and you aren’t going to watch it, so read on.
Can we just say, “Totally lame abusive relationship?”  Guy shows up after seven years, guy whisks girl away to Rome with absolutely no explanation, then guy starts ordering girl to do things without explaining the situation to her AND SHE DOES?  And then at the end, despite the fact that the Paladins are going to go after her family and kill all of them, she stays with him?

Cost:  Free from library
Where watched:  At home.

 

Requiem: Bread & Circus Sweatshirt

I worked for Bread and Circus Whole Foods Market for a few years at the turn of the century.  Every once in awhile, the managers would roll around a cart full of t-shirt or sweatshirts and every employee would get one.  It was a nice perk.  I’ve been wearing this one for a good ten years now, much longer than I ever worked for the company.  I’ve held on to it because it’s easy to throw on over anything, and, it’s a reminder of my time at the Fresh Pond Bread and Circus.  The color has faded a bit, but it was always a weird shade of blue.  I suspect they may have gotten a discount on a bad dye lot.  There are bleach stains and oil stains and paint from projects and at least one hole.  The neck is frayed and the sweatshirt just keeps on trucking.
 
Today is its last day, though.
 
I’ll save the logos, and say goodbye to the rest.
 

Three sentence movie reviews: A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints.

I’ve

seen this before

, so this time was ready for the rather feral nature of the youth in question.  However, this  time I was watching it for the Channing Tatum perspective* and it was quite enjoyable.  He does feral and angry quite well, which is interesting because he is not very much of either of those things in any other movie.

Cost:  free from library

Where watched:  at home

poster from: 

http://www.impawards.com/2006/guide_to_recognizing_your_saints.html

*My favorite excerpt of a review on Rotten Tomatoes: “The real star is Channing Tatum as the alpha-chimp leader of Dito’s pack. The camera doesn’t just love him, it wants to marry him, settle down, and have his babies.”  So true, Stuart McGurk of thelondonpaper, so true.

What exactly does “exclusive” mean?

My definition: something available to only a select few people or for a limited time or in a limited place. In my view, the movie theater world would use the word “exclusive” when the film was only playing at one location in the city.  So I found it rather befuddling when I saw this tag line:

It’s playing exclusively at 15 theaters? How is that exclusive?
 

But then I looked around and I saw more use.  This is how I would use the term.  “Exclusive Engagement.”  Meaning y’all have to go to Cinema 21 if you live in Portland and want to see the movie this week.
 
Then there was this “limited engagement” crap. Seven movie theaters is not a limited engagement.

Here’s the dictionary.com definition:

ex·clu·sive

   [ik-skloo-siv, -ziv]  Show IPA

adjective

1.

not admitting of something else; incompatible: mutually exclusive plans of action.
2.

omitting from consideration or account (often followed by of): a profit of ten percent, exclusive of taxes.
3.

limited to the object or objects designated: exclusive attention to business.
4.

shutting out all others from a part or share: an exclusive right to film the novel.
5.

fashionable; stylish: to patronize only the most exclusive designers.

Based on this definition, I think that Cinema 21 has it right and the other people need better tag writers.

Three sentence movie reviews: The Perks of Being a Wallflower

The acting was quite good by two of the three main characters and there were some quite delightful scenes in this movie.  However, when it all was finished and done, it just didn’t hold together very well, to my disappointment.  Also, I get annoyed at movies where people are supposedly “uncool” and then their high school existence is about 400 times cooler than mine leaving me to feel incredibly lame.*

Cost:  Would have been $8.50 but someone gave me passes to Regal so it was FREE
Where watched:  Fox Tower.

*I will say that this movie has me rolling ideas of what does it really mean to be “popular” and “cool” and my annoyance may get spit out as an essay in the future.

Essay: Argh. Facebook.

It’s 10/11/12!  So exciting!

Here’s what drives me crazy about Facebook.  For a site that is supposed to keep you closer to your friends, it fails.  I have never, ever logged off Facebook without feeling lonelier than when I logged on.
What Facebook is quite good at is keeping me in touch with my friends who are on the periphery of my life.  I have a friend from elementary school and we are friends on Facebook.  I know more about her life now than I have since we parted in high school and I’m quite happy about that.
But here’s the deal. Aside from my other friend who is a prolific poster, quite funny and delightful, I don’t get enough about anyone from Facebook.  My friends who are my real face-to-face (or email-to-email if they are far away) can’t possibly post enough on Facebook to replicate what one get-together will do.
When I read their posts between seeing them, I end up just feeling more
separated from them.
And while Facebook is handy for the “I wonder what’s going on with [insert anyone from my past]” type questions, the result is ultimately unsatisfying.  For instance:  last week I wondered what had become of a friend from high school with a unique enough name that it was easy to search for him.  There he was, with a page and everything.  I investigated his page and I can tell you that I know pretty much nothing about him except the city he lives in, the fact that he apparently plays the banjo (or at least holds one for the camera as if he plays it) and he may have a dog and a cat.  So what’s the point?  I don’t really want to contact him and become “friends” on Facebook, I just want three paragraphs about how his life is.  If he had more posts, I could pull together a summary, but it’s not like the rank-and-file have publicists.  In fact, right now I know more about Channing Tatum than all of my ex-boyfriends and that just seems wrong.
So I go on random “wonder what” hunts and come up with fragments of lives, thanks to Facebook.  The site is all about the lure of the connection with little actual connection.

Mail!

So Kristen, she of the Good Wishes to Kristen Party, knows how much I love my birthday.  I think she also must know how much I love unexpected mail.  Because you will never guess what arrived today in the mail for me.

It’s a birthday scavenger hunt!  I get to find these twelve places around Portland, take a picture of myself with them and when I have sent her seven pictures I get gift #1.  When I send her ten pictures I get gift #2.  If I find all  twelve places I get unlimited bragging rights.  I know where six are right now.  You know I’m going for unlimited bragging rights, right?