Tag: funny

Kid conversations: Alien Invasion

Trapped inside for yet another indoor recess this week I had the following conversation with some members of the K/1 class.

A group of boys was playing with pattern blocks and as I watched them I realized that one of them was talking about dropping a bomb.

“What’s your classroom rule about bombs?” I asked. The thing I love about the K/1 class is they will usually tell me what the rule is, even if it means they have to stop doing what they were doing.

“There’s no rule about bombs.” Owen assured me, most enthusiastically. However, he is one of the K/1’s who won’t necessarily tell me the whole truth. I waited to see what he would say next. “There is only a rule about guns. No guns.” He continued.

“Actually, “Alex put forth, “the rule is no weapons.”

“No weapons at all?” I asked.

“No.” a chorus of boys assured me.

“Well, a bomb is a weapon.” I told them. “If you have a rule about no weapons, then you can’t pretend to drop bombs.”

“What about missiles?” asked Thai, seeking a loophole. I told him that alas, missiles were weapons too.

“Spears!” Owen, the optimist, asked.

“Nope, also a weapon.”

“Well how are we supposed to play alien invasion if we can use weapons?” Owen, was a bit perturbed at this point.

“I guess you are just going to have to use peace, love and understanding,” I told them, “because you can’t use weapons.”

Kid-made signs

A trend in education that has more fully developed since I was a kid myself, is to let the children make signs and posters explaining things. At school we have kid made posters to explain our recycling system and classrooms usually use kid generated posters to explain topics they are studying. So of course, when a class has a fundraiser the students make the signs. This makes for some fabulous signs including this one where the child was suddenly transported back, syntax-wise, to the early 20th century:

Donate money
to Allegra’s Class
in need for hobo’s
and
other
homeless people
and more.
Please!

The sign stayed up for about a month and I giggled every time I read it.

The Great Pumpkin

It’s great pumpkin time! The Fred Meyer near my house has huge pumpkins for sale. I came upon this one and “he he he he he” took a picture because my boss’s name is Tara and I had intended to give her a hard time about her 79 inch waist. The human version of Tara is rather small and I think this pumpkin might outweigh her.

A good look at “Tara”

But then I came around the corner and found me (sort of) with a much larger waist. Unlike Tara, I outweigh “my” pumpkin.

A big picture look at “me”

I asked, and found that they named the pumpkins after the store’s managers.

Stop the misuse of quotation marks!

Some people who read this sign, will interpret the message as “this company really finds it important that I stop driving at this point and instead enter on NW Davis Street. I can tell that they find it important because they have put quotation marks around the word to draw my attention to it.”

However, people who understand the correct use of quotation marks (and, I will agree, we are in the minority) will giggle because by putting quotation marks around the word stop, they are actually encouraging us to not stop our vehicles. Had the company, or the sign makers asked us, we would have told them that when trying to draw people’s attention to something, perhaps the use of the exclamation point would have been a better choice.

Yes, that’s right folks. When you look up how to use quotation marks correctly there is a whole lot of information about using them for dialogue and where the commas go and on which side of the quotations the punctuation lives. There is nothing that instructs you to put them around “words” willy-nilly when you are trying to draw people’s attention to them.

Do you know why? Because when you put quotes around things that aren’t dialogue, it can often be read that the word you are quoting is not true. My favorite example from my workplace was at Bread and Circus and the sign in our Prepared Foods department advertised “fresh” sandwiches. “Are we trying to tell people we only serve old, moldy sandwiches?” I asked aloud before erasing their quote-ish presence. That sign above? It is saying to keep driving right through there. Don’t stop, no matter what other context clues tell you.

And really, what is wrong with the exclamation point? They are scattered all over the blogs (including this one) as well as enthusiastic people’s letters and notes. Why are they not used more on signs? Are they not dignified enough? And shouldn’t sign makers know better? Why not have an English major on staff to proofread those signs before you print them? God knows there are tons of unemployed English majors out there. Do us all a favor and hire one. The English major gets a job. Businesses don’t suffer the expense of incorrect signs and the general public isn’t assaulted by incorrect grammar.

Happily for those of us who get pleasure in the misuse of quotation marks, there is a blog. Yes, you too can enjoy The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks.